Scrolling through my feed reader this morning I stumbled upon Theodora Goss’ post Introversion: Part 1; which is a response to Carl King’s post 10 Myths about Introverts. As an introvert, I thought I’d see how King’s response to these myths compares to my own experiences.
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
I can confirm King’s argument. No, I don’t talk a lot with just anyone. But if it happens to be a topic I’m passionate about I have been known to jump into a conversation whether I know people or not. That said I’m always more comfortable with close friends and I can talk for hours and hours with them.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
I agree, but in my case I am shy and I do tend to feel anxious when I’m placed with a group of people I don’t know. I’m much better one-on-one. But, I can definitely do without the pleasantries and if it’s a topic I’m interested in my shyness will to dissipate.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
I’ve mentioned this in my “About” section. My shyness and also my lack of involvement with people playing what I call “the game” of social interaction, has from time to time placed me in that “B” category. I’ve never had any desire to fit in with the norm, but as a teenager I did feel extremely out-of-place, to point that I thought something was wrong with me. I learned later there was nothing wrong with me and since then I’ve been at one with my introverted self. I still have no desire to play the game, but I can pull it off in a situation where I’m required to socialize.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
I’m kind of on the fence with this one. I do value my very few close friends and I’ve always been the type to have just a small set of super close friends. But I find a lot of other people exhausting and I have been known to say, “I don’t like people.”
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
I wouldn’t be able to survive if I didn’t have my down time, a.k.a. recharging time. The rest is spot on too. I like to go out, but on my own terms. For example, you won’t find me at a sports event but you might catch me at a book store, coffee shop, museum, etc.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
True again. I am alone most of the time and I’m fine with that, in fact I’m content with that–most of the time. Whenever I start feeling antsy I know I need to meet up with a friend to talk for hours, catch a movie, etc. I have limits to how much time I can spend alone, just as I have limits to how much time I can spend with a group of people.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
I openly admit I am weird and I could care less. I am a happy weirdo. And to quote Eddie Vedder: “I change, by not changing at all.”
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Yes and I also happen to be one of those people that will laugh out loud about something I’m thinking, whether I’m alone or not. I easily become lost in thought. Sometimes it happens when I’m in the middle of a movie or reading a book. I can sit for hours just staring at the fields and birds, thinking up post-apocalyptic daydreams.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
True. But now you’re thinking how will she handle Dragon*Con next year? I’ve been to Dragon*Con before, in its early days, and even then the crowds were a flood. But it’s a different type of crowd and it’s easy to be anonymous in a huge crowd. If I don’t have to know anyone in a large, crazy setting like a convention then I’m fine to wander, explore and have fun. I’m in a world of my own. I tend do worse in small settings with a group of people, where I’m expected to interact with said people. I end up gravitating toward the corner to observe.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
Even if I could, would I want to “fix myself?” I don’t think there’s anything to fix. When I have to, I step up to socialize, even though it exhausts me. It might be nice if parties were easier to handle, but anyone who would invite me to a party will be familiar with my loner tendencies.
I’ve never sat down and talked about being an introvert with another introvert. I’d be curious to know how my responses compare. Any takers?
Stephanie Bennis said:
I never thought of myself as an introvert, but reading through this post I realized I share quite a few of the same qualities! I have few, but close friends and would rather relax at my home than in a bar. But I still think I’m quite social! (When I want to be). Thanks for sharing these, they were very insightful.
Amanda Makepeace said:
Ah, there’s the key–when you want to be! I’m sure as with most things in life there are different degrees of introversion. Maybe you are on the subtle end of the spectrum. Thanks for chiming in!
Gretchen Del Rio said:
Your post described me. I have very few friends with whom I choose to spend any large amount of time. If I was more social, I wouldn’t paint what I do. I am an empath. I soak up energy so I am really careful about people who come into my life. I am always looking for the exit. I now give myself permission to be me and that makes life much easier. I spend most time alone and I live on a mountain in nature. I find nature very healing. I am also very friendly and I play the game easily. It’s just that I don’t believe in it. I love other people. I respect other’s needs and I respect my own need to be quiet and to recharge frequently. I don’t think of myself as an introvert, but, perhaps, I need to redefine the meaning of the word. I am not weird but I am different. My energy just comes across that way.
Amanda Makepeace said:
“I don’t think of myself as an introvert, but, perhaps, I need to redefine the meaning of the word.” — Gretchen that’s it exactly. I think for many people introvert has a negative connotation and people who are introverts sometimes accept that, but it’s not true! I secretly believe I’m not weird at all, it’s all those non-introverts that are the weird ones. 😉
The Everything Soap Blog said:
This is such a great post. My husband is sort of an introvert, and so am I believe it or not. I’m only outgoing when I’m in the mood. In person I’m extremely talkative and personable, but it has limits. I try to explain and people that know me will actually argue. The worse thing that ever happened to me was going from having my own office where I worked, to getting a promotion and having to share a large office space. I’m fabulous with people in spurts, but go crazy when with people too long.
Amanda Makepeace said:
I can relate! I use to work in a art print shop and besides my small group of co-workers the job drove me nuts. Dealing the with general public was exhausting and always put me in a bad mood. Every chance I got I worked in the back, cutting frames, away from people. 😀
I think i might need to link this to a few people i know…
Amanda Makepeace said: